Some unwelcome changes have shaken my life during the last few weeks. Suddenly I had more free time than I had been used to, which resulted on a great lack of motivation. As I discovered, it is not uncommon to feel this way; most of us wish for free time when we’re busy, but when the time finally comes, we are eager to occupy ourselves once again.
My first days were filled with ennui and self-pity, which was eventually masked but the pile o books I was yet to read. Memories I had forgotten – for a good reason – started to come back to me, resulting on a few miserable days. I wanted to be rid of these thoughts that reminded me of moments I did not wish to relive. I could no longer read, write, nor be my own company – something I have always been comfortable with. I felt the need of having someone by my side constantly. I always fragile and had ceased to live my life. For a few weeks I was merely existing.
Some credit for my recovery must be given to my friend Kristina. She would constantly write me updates on her writing and creative process. I was proud of her, yet wished I could be doing the same. She reminded me that I was the only one obstructing my own productivity, which may be just what I needed to hear. My father was also a great help. I did not wish to talk about my problems, therefore he suggested that I’d use them as inspiration for my writing. I decided to write about these harming experiences by turning them into a fictional piece, this way I would not have to relive the moments I’ve been trying to forget, but could still rid myself from the weight I carried by keeping my memories private.
I have since finished the first draft and am now taking my time to carefully edit each part. I may never make this particular piece public, but working on it has giving me the motivation I needed to start anew. I truly hope to improve my writing over the next months and eventually produce something I am proud to share. Until then, I will try my best to write on this blog regularly.