A Contemplation of Death and Fears

                                           This text is a draft which precedes a more elaborated essay.

The very essence of our fears is a common concern regarding the unknown, which may occasionally result in the termination of our existence. I perceive fear as an anxiety caused by the lack of comprehension of a subject we cannot control; darkness, heights, animals, isolation, enclosure, etc. These may be the result of a previous experience, but cannot not always be rationalised.

I was seventeen when a friend asked me what was my greatest fear. I could not answer straight away, because I had always considered it to be the ultimate factor contributing to our death, and the idea of ceasing to be has never caused me any distress. That’s not to say that I don’t cherish life, because I find that there’s plenty to be admired in all living things. However, death is natural and inevitable. Every body will perish, its energy will be renewed, and their memory will live for as long as they are remembered. I don’t believe in an afterlife, but I trust that our essence lives through our achievements.

There are two things I fear the most, however, failing was the first one to be appointed. Failing within myself and my ideas would be a fate worse than death. I’ve always believed in freedom, and took a somewhat unorthodox path throughout life and education. The idea of conforming to the expectations inflicted upon us disregarding our own happiness is to me unfathomable. We should be able to form our own opinions and live as we wish, as long as our choices are not intercepting someone else’s freedom or causing them harm. The day when I abdicate my freedom in order to live by the ideals projected into our society will be the day that I become nothing but an empty shell, which would determine my certain failure.

My second fear is highly irrational; there is no trauma involved and no care for what could proceed it. I am terrified of water – the ocean, lakes, rivers, ponds, swimming pools etc. I cannot bare to thought of immersing myself where I’m unable to have a clear view. The idea is enough to make me incredibly anxious, however, I am not afraid of what could be underneath. I am always happy to sail, and love being near the water, yet I am not able to submerge myself in it despise being a capable swimmer. My attempts to understand the source of this anxiety were to no avail. I can’t seem to find a reasonable explanation, therefore I’ve decided to face it and conquer this fear. I do not have an opinion formed on irrational fears as these seem to be an uneasiness based on nothing. Why do we fear something that has no consequence? It presents no harm, it merely exists. I wonder if our subconscious anticipates an out-coming that we cannot meditate on, therefore fearing something without acknowledging the reason behind it. I shall return to this text and elaborate this ideas once I find myself in control over my own irrational fear, and perhaps will have an answer that satisfies my interest.


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